Helen Boyd is the author of the tranny bestseller, "My Husband Betty", her first book, which is about her true life experiences as the partner of a transvestite. She and her husband live in New York. Trannyweb's Meredith Newton spoke to her...

MN: How long did it take you to research and write your book?

HB: The actual writing took about five months, but I’d been regularly reading books about crossdressing for five years previous, and running a group online (for CDs and their partners) for three. I’d been reading about gender for a decade before, as my lit degree focused on women’s writing and feminist theory. So I could say “my entire adult life” or “the five years I’d been with Betty” before I actually got the contract.

MN: How many people did you interview for your book?

HB: Several hundred all told. I am not a traditional journalist – my writing training is in fiction, actually – so I interviewed people via email, online, in person, some formally, and a lot informally, even at parties or trans events. Getting people to talk about their sexuality usually required alcohol! I was lucky I’d already known some people in person or online, so they trusted me and were willing to talk.

MN: What do you think is the one aspect of crossdressing that intrigues society the most?

Helen and Betty

HB: I’m not sure crossdressing does intrigue society all that much – I don’t think most people think about it. Drag does, but crossdressing itself people seem to think of as just an eccentricity, mostly because they don’t know much about it or don’t know any crossdressers – at least they think they don’t. If there is one question we get asked a lot, it’s the one that no one has an answer for: why?

MN: A recent forum thread at Trannyweb dealt with how the TG community is currently portrayed in the media and in entertainment. From what you’ve seen, how do you feel the community is being portrayed?

HB: Crossdressing is portrayed as a novelty, at best. On something like “He’s a Lady” it’s just a gimmick that had nothing to do with actual crossdressers. On the other hand, you’ve got something like the Sam Walls case, which was a travesty. We missed out, as a community, to do really valuable outreach and education. At worst, it’s portrayed as a relatively harmless kink, but that’s only – again – because people don’t really know what it is and it doesn’t affect them. I've yet to see anything in the mainstream media even touch on the depth of feeling CDs experience, and getting anyone interested in what partners go through is like pulling teeth.

MN: The current climate in the U.S. right now certainly seems to be right wing and it looks as though anything other than a “normal” heterosexual relationship could be considered deviant, including by the government. Did you have any problems with finding a publisher for your book?

HB: No, I didn’t, but I worked in publishing for ten years in various positions, so I ‘knew people.’ Thunder’s Mouth has a reputation for being a little adventurous, but still commercial – which meant the book would be available at your average brick-and-mortar bookstore, and at your local library, and that was important to me.

Helen doing Betty's make-up

MN: I liked your categories of the different types of crossdressers, and, like you, know that it’s not a definitive list. Have any new categories crossed your mind since writing the book?

HB: Maybe the goth CD. I was aware of them when I wrote the book, but it was only later that I realized for a younger generation, goth culture is how they access their crossdressing, as it’s very welcoming of boys in makeup and skirts, and who look androgynous. I knew that from when I was goth, but it’s been a while… about 20 years, now, since I was part of the goth scene.

MN: You knew of Betty’s crossdressing while early in your relationship. You wrote about the stages a woman goes through when she learns of her partner’s dressing. How did you come up with this list?

HB: Experience. Running a group for couples, and being in others for partners, meant I saw a lot of women first reach out, usually when they first found out. I exchanged notes with other women who moderate SO groups, too – and the patterns emerged from there. One of my goals with My Husband Betty was to make it clear to CDs that even the most liberal, uber-accepting type still has to make adjustments, and that their wives are not raving maniacs or out to thwart their joy. I was hoping, too, that I might validate other women’s experiences – especially their anger. We tend to joke around the whole “slutty clothes” issue, and I felt a certain pressure to just excuse it, when really I was offended by the idea that some CDs seem to think that ‘THHN’ (tits, heels, hair and nails) is what makes a woman. It’s not.

MN: How are you dealing with Betty right now?

HB: Betty has been self-questioning recently (as to whether or not she’s transsexual), so it’s been difficult for us both. Feeling like I went from being a super-accepting, even encouraging partner, to feeling like I was holding Betty back – was very difficult. But those questions have to be asked. We’ve become stronger as a couple, but in that ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ kind of way!

MN: What is your next project?

That’s still a secret – and still in the works. Once it’s a sure thing, I’ll let you know. Currently I've been using my blog at www.myhusbandbetty.com to explore some of the issues I’d like to write about next.

MN: Finally, as impossible as it is, do you have any particular piece of advice for partners of crossdressers?

HB: It would depend on the partner, but the single best thing a partner can do is learn a little more about it. One of the other reasons I wrote My Husband Betty was to get information out there that wasn’t whitewashed, and though I've been told it’s a lot for a partner to handle all at once, I think reading the first four chapters with your crossdressing husband is a good start. Then, after you’ve reached a certain level of acceptance, or tolerance, you can read the rest of the book!

MN: Thanks so much for your time!

HB: And thanks for yours. My best to you and TrannyWeb.